The Father I Serve
“It’s 4:22 AM and I am currently lying down on my mom’s living room couch sobbing because I can’t help but meditate on the Lord’s goodness and mercy.”
Now this blog is going to be a little different. I was originally going to speak on the power of the tongue but we will save that for another time. For now, I just want to talk about the ‘“Father I Serve”’. I am listening to a song on repeat called, “Providence” by United Pursuit. I definitely recommend it. It’s only the Holy Spirit that can cause things like this to happen. What do I mean by that you ask? Well I just searched up the meaning of “Providence” and according to Google, it states, “The protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual father”. This now makes so much sense as to why I can’t stop listening to this song. Even as I listen deeply to the lyrics, it completely resonates with the season I am in and I feel that many of you are in the same season. I am about to get very vulnerable:
During these past 3 months of walking with Christ, I have done some things that were very displeasing unto the Lord. It was a constant battle between my flesh and spirit. I left a place while it wasn’t my time to leave, yet God was faithful enough to bring his spirit to wherever it was that I decided to go. For God has said: I will never leave you, and I will never forsake you Hebrews 13:5. This proves that he is much more faithful than I am and ever could be. He is faithful even when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). And that’s what I became during the first 2 months of this year, faithless and lost. I’ve experienced so much when it came to doing the Lord’s work the past 2 years of my life yet lacked experience in the secret place. I lacked his presence and his love. Because of that, it led to bitterness, comparison, rage, envy, lust, and so on. My lack of trust in the Father caused me to lack trust in the people and places he had put before me. But through all that, he remained faithful.
As you are reading this, I want you to remember the very moment you gave your life to Jesus. I want you to remember where you were and exactly how you felt. For some of you, you were at your lowest state while for others, you were looking for a sign in need of a Savior. There he was and here you are now.
Notice how a lot of us gave our lives to God when we were at a state of need. We realized our NEED for him. He understood us when no one else did and he knew exactly what we were facing at the time.
We love him, because he first loved us.
The reason I lacked the love of the Father for so long after giving my life to Jesus is because I began to view him as my master and myself as his servant. And no, I am not disregarding the fact that he is my master because I am his servant indeed. But what I am saying is that I did everything by works. I did it to gain love instead of accepting the fact that I was already loved. I didn’t see him as my Father and myself as his child. I didn’t see myself as a daughter that he could love on, comfort, and cherish. I knew his word and knew that nothing could ever separate me from the love of God. But there is a difference between knowing something and actually applying or receiving it. I struggled to receive his love.
We have to get back to that place of recognizing our need for God. Notice how I didn’t say “need for finances” or “need for food”. God will always provide those things because we are not to worry about what we shall eat nor drink (Matthew 6:25). It doesn’t say in the scripture, “Seek me and you shall find finances”. It says, “Seek ME and you shall find ME” (Jeremiah 29:13). We have to recognize our need for his comfort, presence, and overall love because without (his) love, we have NOTHING. Serving him is not only doing things on his behalf, yet it’s also spending intimate time with him.
As I am writing this, the Holy Spirit is revealing to me that a lot of you reading this struggle with anxiety and you may even have a hard time going to bed at night. I highly encourage you to REST in God. However that may look like whether that be listening to your favorite worship song, reading a Psalms, or just overall sitting in silence with the Father. There is no need to feel shame for receiving from the only one who can fulfill you.
Going back to that word I mentioned in the beginning, “Providence” (The protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual father). When the Holy Spirit told me to search that word up, it reminded me of the season I was in and the season that many of you may be in right now. God has been protecting you this whole time and it may not make sense, but he is. He has been protecting you from the people and things that are out to hurt you. He heard conversations you didn’t hear and knows the heart of man regarding your life. He protects you by not giving you what you want because he has greater for you. He protects you by not giving you what he has promised because he is preparing you to receive what has already been prepared for you. He protects you with guidance because his plans are better and his thoughts are higher while yours will only lead to destruction. He will wreck your plans before they wreck you. Overall, God desires your heart and he knows how to protect it best. But the only way he can do that is if you stop attempting to guard it yourself and give it to him.
This is all coming from someone who has tried running from God and has hardened their heart towards him once too many times. This is coming from someone who the Holy Spirit is speaking through regardless of their (past) faults and actions. This is also speaking to someone who the Holy Spirit loves so dearly.
Today I come to you not as someone who is “religious” nor as someone who is “seeking attention” nor for you to feel pity towards me. I come to you as a sister in Christ who loves you and desires to see you give your heart to the one who will never mishandle it. I share these things because there is power in a testimony, and me writing this is a testimony in itself. It was only earlier that I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, desiring to only feel sorry for myself. Although things have took a major turn these past 3 months of my life, God has remained faithful. Here is what I learned in those 3 months: I learned to rest in his presence without shame nor guilt. I learned to serve those around me without expecting anything in return. I learned to express myself without feeling like a burden. I learned to be more patient and kind towards both myself and others. I learned to forgive quickly and not get so easily offended. I overall learned who my Heavenly Father is. The Father I serve. I don’t serve him because I expect something great out of it although great will come. I serve him because I want others around me to experience the love that I get to experience. Agape love. I don’t care how bad I feel nor how horrible my circumstances may seem, it’ll never change the fact that he is the same God yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). All his promises are yes and Amen!
God is the type that doesn’t just save you once, yet a million times. He is a patient and loving Father who never gives up on his children. He will meet you where you are at exactly like he did the day you gave your life to him.
To whoever is reading this, I encourage you to come back to your first love. You know exactly who you are.
“My child, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways,” Proverbs 23:26
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10
Comments
Post a Comment